Old, Confused, and Finding Wisdom In, Jesus

Old and Confused

Most people equate age with wisdom but old age is often a time of  overwhelming confusion. However,wisdom can be found in, Jesus.

I once though that if I survived to be the age I am now that I would be secure in the wisdom gained by life experience. This has proven to be a misconception on my part. Old age doesn’t equal wisdom and in fact, can be a time of overwhelming confusion. Besetting problems that have set on the back burner as I struggled to raise a family and build a life with my husband seem to reach the boiling point, as my life slows down. There is a natural tendency to reminisce in old age and the truth of my life is no longer found in the present only but also, in my past and future. It is as if I am completing a circle and that which was behind me is now in front of me and those problems I’ve been ignoring all of my life are demanding attention, right now! I know I’m not alone, as I see my peers involved in the same kind of struggle. The time is now to make things right because as the circle of our life nears completion, our time on earth is running out.

Forgiven Much

All human wisdom is mortal, as we are mortal. Just as we are subject to decay and death, so too is our wisdom. I reached the end of my wisdom when I was nineteen and reached for, Jesus through faith and He accepted me. He accepted me. I was a mess and He accepted me. I found forgiveness and the strength to start my life over. In this new beginning, I was no longer subject to living according to my faulty, understanding of myself, others, and the world. In, Jesus God’s wisdom became available to me. As I grew spiritually, I began to change and my morality changed, also. My life was less chaotic, not because I no longer had to solve serious problems, but because I had the Holy Spirit and the Bible to guide my decisions.Though I am old now, this growth process continues and God isn’t content to change my morality only but also, heal that which caused me to make poor choices, in the first place. In old age, as the Omega of my life is near to meeting the Alpha and the circle of my life on earth nears completion, God, through Jesus, is doing a deeper healing work in me.

I had a very painful start in life and as a new Christian, I buried that painful past alive and ran from it. It’s true, on the day I was baptized, the old, Pam was buried in death and I rose from those baptismal waters to walk in newness of life, in Christ Jesus. However, though I knew I had eternal life, I still had no concept of myself as an eternal being and couldn’t accept my shameful past as part of who I was in Christ. Everyone said that I had become a ‘new creature’ and I thought that meant that I had to be someone else. The abuse of my childhood taught me that I was despicable, worthy of abuse. I gladly buried the child I had been, while attaching and burying the pain and grief of my childhood with her. I held myself responsible, forgave as much as I was capable of forgiving, at the time, and tried to move on. However, in Christ, I am not a mortal creature with a beginning and an end. I have been made eternal in, Jesus and He wanted to heal my childhood and also, use that part of my life for God’s glory. God’s wisdom is so much greater than human wisdom. I was willing to settle for partial healing but God wasn’t.

When God began to heal the little girl in my past and those old wounds puffed up, became painful again, and oozed with infection that had never fully healed, I felt foolish. I was now a woman well past full maturity and here my childhood was in my face again, demanding and even stealing my attention. I had a choice. I could continue with the bury and conceal method I’d practiced for decades or face it, in hopes of putting it to rest. That was six years ago and I’m happy that I followed the leading of the Holy Spirit and began to face my past, Biblically. My corrupt wisdom and the corrupted wisdom of others were responsible for the mess of my childhood but God led me to applying His wisdom to the pain of my past and at the end of six years, I can say, “Jesus has healed my childhood. Praise God! I have been made whole!” Hallelujah! My old, confused, hurting friend, this can happen for you as it has come to pass for me.

Aging is painful and brings new problems with it that are difficult to manage. Too many of us are broadsided when those problems we know we haven’t fully solved but managed well for most of our lives, suddenly, flare up and demand attention. It is overwhelming and solving those old problems often requires demolition that is painful. Relationships change and some die, as a result. However, believers have no choice but to follow the Holy Spirit to the end He requires. We must trust that our faith will make us whole. God doesn’t want just part of our lives. He wants our whole life, for our life in Him has no beginning and no end. Our past, as well as our present must be perfected, through complete healing in, Jesus. We are being perfected for the work we will do in the next life and that work requires us to be just like, Jesus.

As I write this post, I feel all of you out there who are feeling old, confused, and in need of wisdom, true wisdom. The wisdom that is found in, Jesus alone. I know you are asking how you can accomplish what God is leading you to do and overcome a besetting, old problem that you have carried and concealed for nearly your whole life. Being old and confused is bewildering and I can’t give you an answer in a formula that has worked for me. Formulas are of human wisdom. God’s wisdom is Spirit and Truth and it is found through personal faith in, Jesus. Cling to, Jesus and move as the Holy Spirit directs you, in facing your past and the problems from it that are still haunting you, to this very day. Read God’s Word. Listen to what He is saying to you and put that direction into action. Pray that God would send people to help you in your struggle and He will send them. Believe. Jesus says we can move mountains, if we only believe. Jesus has moved mountains of pain and destruction in my life and child of God, He will do the same for you. Cling to, Jesus, endure and reap the reward of wholeness and sound reasoning, in Him, as you claim your eternal reward.